Twilight, sun was peeping at the world through the horizon door partly opened.
She woke up with a start and break-neck speed. she had been having a nightmare, one in which she was being closed by a pack of wolves.
Dwelling on the dream, she tried to lie down and drift to sleep again, but could not. Giving up she started the day with a curse, striding into the kitchen for a coffee. But there had been a power-shutdown overnight and milk was spoilt. She had to now wait for the milkman. She tried to make a listof things to do. She ahd to work hard.
Revise her vison daily to grab the leadership role. There already was tough competition from her neighbours. she sighed wishing she was already there.But it was not and it was going tough especially with current leaders powerful enough to detere them with jsut their brutal strength. But they had settled on a rhythm andlike a long distance marathon runner and can’t accelerate for fear falling short of energy. she had to energize herself and try to beat them even on the process of energizing, since the leaders are always trying it. It’s neither gonna be a short nor an easy one, but she’s got to run anyway; since she lost a lot of headway in why she wanted the race.May be it was some time wasted, but it really was not. This understanding she has acquired through it is what will help her maintain the lead once she gets it. Of course it is the same reason her neighbour too is very close to her in the race.
Why should it be her????She knows that better than anybody that there has been a common lack of direction to the race before till now.. Everybody had just been running without a clue of where and when and why they are running….. most still do. The only ever a few so-called leaders could manage were a quote about a deer and lion in africa waking up every day and having to run for food or survival.Nobody mentioned the fact that lions don’t hunt everyday and deers are not hunted only by lions and so they stay alert all the time……….. In fact they are hunted by most hunting species………..
This was after a row with the housekeeper of the jungle lodge at the trek….Oh what was the name of the place?? The one in which we got lost. met ramya and jo. the one where i pose with a mad laugh as a mine worker lost and found. the one where i pose below the dead tree with a slogan “Still i am useful”. He complained over the noise we were making..
Why am I with a big ego of learning quick and always learning ?? What does it matter?? Is it a reaction to early childhood taunts, which if any i seem to have forgotten??
Is this not at the same level?? what would have happened if we had heard the guy and what is troubling him and explain what is wanted and why we were making noise?? Probably he would never have heard us and become as stubborn as puppot raja??
And another unrememberable day this was the ramble….
Why did I have this split between mind and body??Interestingly it is pronounced better when i am drunk….. cna feel my body intoxicated and not my mind??? Why can’t i have both united together??? will I ever be able to get to that stage???Why of all people should i be exposed to math early in life?? or worser still love of math?? why should i understand the logic in it??? that too implicitly would it have been better if i had got it explicitly??? GOK :P and then a complete runaway during the engineering??? And such a fall that can never even think about math after that atleast not till now and it i s 8 years since i have been to college……………Or atleast i still cannot ditch it like my classmates?? Y am a still a believer in math and Y am i even getting into cognitive science?? Y is mathematics so powerful and yet so powerless??